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Alright, let's get this straight. Pfizer tops estimates, but sales fall? Give me a freakin' break. That's like saying your house is worth more even as it's sinking into the swamp. Anyone with half a brain can see through this BS.
The Numbers Game
So, they beat EPS estimates, huh? Adjusted diluted EPS guidance raised to $3.00 to $3.15. Big whoop. Meanwhile, third-quarter revenues declined by 7%. "Operational decline," they call it. I call it a red flag waving frantically in the face of anyone dumb enough to believe the hype. Pfizer tops estimates, raises profit guidance even as sales fall
And what's with this "landmark agreement" with the U.S. Government? "Greater clarity for our business," Bourla says. Translation: We greased some palms, and now we're gonna screw over the American public in a slightly less obvious way. I mean, come on. Are we really supposed to believe these guys are suddenly acting out of the goodness of their hearts?
Strategic Mumbo Jumbo
Then comes the corporate buzzword bingo: "strategic actions," "advance innovation," "deliver value for patients and shareholders." It's enough to make you wanna hurl.
Oh, and let's not forget the Metsera acquisition. $4.9 billion for a company "accelerating the next generation of medicines for obesity and cardiometabolic diseases." Because what the world really needs is another overpriced pill to mask the symptoms of a broken food system.
And lawsuits? Oh, offcourse Pfizer is suing Metsera and Novo Nordisk. It's like watching two vultures fight over a dying carcass. Classy.
The Stock Stink
The stock's hovering near key resistance levels, but can't seem to break out. No surprise there. Investors ain't stupid, even if they sometimes act like it. They see the same declining sales figures we do. They see the same strategic mumbo jumbo. They see the same desperate attempts to prop up the stock price with buybacks and acquisitions.
Speaking of buybacks, where are they? The article notes: "No share repurchases have been completed to date in 2025. As of November 4, 2025, Pfizer’s remaining share repurchase authorization is $3.3 billion . Current financial guidance does not anticipate any share repurchases in 2025." So basically, they're hoarding cash, waiting for the perfect moment to artificially inflate the stock price. It's like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat, except the rabbit is just more debt and the hat is the pockets of everyday investors.
But wait...are we really supposed to believe all these analysts with their price targets? Terence Flynn from Morgan Stanley sets a target price of $32.0. Tim Anderson from B of A Securities sets a target price of $30.0. Andrew Baum from Citigroup sets a target price of $26.0. It's like they're all reading from the same script.
So, What's the Real Story?
This whole thing stinks. It's a house of cards built on smoke and mirrors. They're cutting costs, buying up competitors, and manipulating the numbers to keep the stock price afloat, but the underlying business is rotting from the inside out. And honestly, they expect us to believe this nonsense, and...well, maybe some people will. But not me. I ain't buying it.
